I heard about this study on “The View” (a show that has gone down the drain after losing its smart hostesses): women answered a poll about what kind of profession they’d like their men to have and they put military men on top of their list as their favorite kind of man to date.
My theory is that some women may be attracted to “strong brave” types who they think will always protect them…..well, my experience is that some military men can be controlling, not reliable, have PTSD (and that affects the relationship); be mentally or physically abusive and ego-maniacs too. Notwithstanding that those in active duty will be away a lot. I think the attraction to cops, race car drivers and other dangerous profession types could have similar reasons. The big problem I see with any man or woman in the military is that they have all gone through training designed to break down and destroy their natural autonomy. Therefore, they will either be totally given over to the command and control structure in every thought and deed, or will be unhappy and unfulfilled to some extent.
I said SOME you all before you jump on me….
Me, I prefer the boring stable guys. Accountants, economists, doctors, scientists, professors, small businessmen, engineers, computer programmers and anything computer related, government workers, writers…..as long as they are smart. Even a carpenter or a sales person can be smart if they read. Life can be more boring but there will be less drama and ups and downs.
Sophia Vergara is a successful comedic actress and a now a good businesswoman reaping the fruits of her success. Her character on “Modern Family” though, is questionable to me on how it reinforces stereoptypes of latina women. Brazilians are not Hispanic. However, we are all Latins in the sense our countries were colonized by the former Roman Empire. Even though we share many cultural similarities, we are lumped as one by most Americans.
The character is ditzy, obsessed with her physique and looks, wears too tight – too sexy outfits, too much make up, is uncultured (and proud of it), never learns English properly, blindly religious and superstitious. It is true that many Latinas fall into that description, but it is not one we are proud of. A woman who marries a man old enough to be her father to give her financial security (in real life that marriage would never be blissful) and who has no interest in studying and getting a job (or even helping her husband in the family business) is not a good role model for Hispanic women in this country.
Some immigrants may think that using their bodies so they can latch on to a financially secure man and have a good life is the example to follow. Some young women may get the message that all they have to do it dress sexy/slutty and all men will fall to their feet. Staying ignorant is ok; not having a career is ok. Just producing babies will guarantee a man’s financial support for years.
Worse than always trying to be sexy to keep men entranced, is the portrayal of dittziness and ignorance as “feminine” qualities. I hope the American audience does not think every latina woman is like that. I hope young Latinas don’t think that’s the road to success or some dubious financial security. I hope that when Latinas come to mind, more people think of Sonia Sotomayor than Gloria Pritchett.
There is a lot of shaming in shaming nowadays. The era of political correctedness became “you can’t shame this, you can’t shame that”. Fat shaming, gay shaming, slut shaming, etc. I want to discuss slut shaming. What men or women do with their bodies and how they lead their sexual lives is nobody’s business, really. When women dress sexy, men should be able to control themselves and not see that as a sign these women are up for grabs (pun intended).
However, as the mother of two females, I see with sadness some behavior in young women that isn’t very attractive. And it reeks of desperation. Looking at Brazil, for example, or American reality TV, I see some women who will do anything to embarrass or devalue themselves. And that has little to do with how they dress. If there is one thing I think is still attractive in people, it is class. Good manners, respect. Sometimes women sell themselves short or think that sexuality alone will take them places, land them a rich or famous boyfriend or make themselves famous. That kind of fame is fleeting. The kind of men they will attract is not the desirable kind. Sexy and attractive young women are a dime a dozen in this planet, especially with all the body enhancements available. A Brazilian starlet (see picture above) humiliated herself for Portuguese soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo, planting herself in front of his hotel during the football World Cup in Brazil and following him around after saying she had had an affair with him. Another Brazilian uses nudity to become a famous piano player.
There is nothing less attractive than an over made-up woman who opens her mouth and talks trash….no education, culture or information. Intelligence is sexy, and class is just another name for self-respect.
This is a comment made by a Brazilian, in broken English, when asked what he missed about Brazil. We hear a lot that even poor Brazilians, sometimes living in slum-like environment, seem happy. What is the reason for that? Brazilians put friends, family and celebrations ahead of possesions. True, Brazilians love an iPhone and a flat screen TV or even a nice imported car. But there are other things that make them happy: football (soccer), churrasco with friends (barbecue), beach (free), cold beer (cheap), open channels on TV (free), nature (free). This capacity to be joyful and playful even in the face of bad living conditions, long lines for healthcare, packed public transportation, low minimum wages and high criminality in big cities is inherent to a population that doesn’t take life (or work) too seriously. Here are some reasons that may make Brazilians happier than other nationalities:
1) Warm engaging personalities, curiosity. Brazilians are usually extroverts and like to talk to everyone, even strangers. Brazilians are people-people. They like to live in dense population areas because they like to be around people. Brazilians are not fond of living too isolated.
2) Brazilians don’t take religion too seriously. Even if they call themselves Catholic, they don’t frequent church with assiduity and don’t let religious doctrines run their lives, prejudice and all.
3) Brazilians are more open to sexuality. There is less guilt about revealing clothes or showing the human body.
4) Tighter family ties. It is more common than in developed countries for families to live in the same city and see each other frequently. There is overall less loneliness.
5) Brazilians love romance. People don’t stay single long, or live without relationships.
6) Brazilians work hard despite their fame of being party people, but they do not let work be their everything. Making a lot of money is not as important as survival.
7) Brazilians take vacations, 20 to 30 days a year. That says a lot.
8) Brazilians love to celebrate carnaval, soccer games, weddings, etc. Social life is important. That is good for mental health.
Walking in the streets of Rio or any other city in Brazil, you see happy people. Are they really happy? Isn’t there depression and sadness? Of course. But it is a general impression that people are slightly happier than in other places, even if it is just stereotyping.
The Barbara Walters special on her career was a great ride through history. Amazing life. I would have loved to have had her life. She is, after all, the most fascinating person. I tried to analize the reason of her success and it is, in my humble opinion:
1) She speaks calmly, softly, clearly and intelligently. She never loses her cool (despite the nasal voice).
2) She worked hard, long hours (no wonder she neglected her adopted daughter who greatly resents her).
3) She was not a beauty, but she adopted a classic style and made the most of her looks.
4) She prepared extensively for every interview, getting to know the interviewee better than himself/herself.
5) She famously developed a list of questions that she would spend days on. The questions were thought provoking and dug deep into these people’s personal lives, making them cry and bringing viewership. The order these questions were asked were important for building momentum.
6) She made her interviewees feel comfortable and open up because she demonstrated respect, care, wisdom, class (even if it was fake). She became Ms. Respectability.
7) The woman who had problems in doing anything practical, like cooking or driving a car, had a knack for what makes people tick. And knew how to kiss asses and network.
8) She loved what she did, and still does. Even though she is retiring from “The View”, she is going to continue being its Executive Producer even though she’s 85. When you love what you do, you never want to stop doing it. Lucky few love what they do. Yes, I would have loved to have her life.
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Here’s an excerpt:
The Louvre Museum has 8.5 million visitors per year. This blog was viewed about 100,000 times in 2013. If it were an exhibit at the Louvre Museum, it would take about 4 days for that many people to see it.
It is notorious how Facebook can cause problems for couples. It has been the cause of many divorces and break ups. Many married people have reconnected with former girl/boyfriends and started affairs. Obviously you can keep secrets not only on Facebook but in other ways, and it’s just one more way to connect to people. There are numerous dating sites and chat rooms that facilitate cheating.
I know couples that have so much trust between them that they have each other’s password for emails and everything else. They feel comfortable and have nothing to hide. When you feel the need to hide, you need to reexamine your feelings for your partner and your relationship in general.
Facebook can sometimes show how committed you are to your partner. Happy couples many times have profiles pictures where they are together. Their relationship status is either “married to” or “in a relationship with” their partner, comfortable and proud that everyone they know will see it. Sometimes for privacy and professional reasons, personal information is not volunteered; but in that case, should you really have a personal page? When someone hides their romantic partner from their Facebook page, it means that they are torn and flaky about that person. It can also mean they don’t want their backups-people they are either interested in or who are interested in them-to see it, for fear of alienating them. Are you afraid that if you add “in a relationship with” someone your “backup plans” will all defriend you? Are these people more important than your partner? Are you hooked on the admiration and ego lifting from people of the opposite sex?
If your relationship goes through a crisis or a break up, take a long time to change its status on Facebook. Don’t hurry to change because you might reconcile faster than you think. Don’t act impulsively.
Facebook can be a really good way to evaluate what you really feel for your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse. I have several Facebook friends who praise and say beautiful things about their partners, celebrate their anniversaries, etc. I feel a huge admiration-with a twinge of envy-for these people.
Here’s an exclusive story told to me by a black man in his 60’s. I will keep his anonymity since he is aware of the tentacles of the infamous Ku Klux Klan, still a powerful hate group:
It was the summer of 1967. Fifteen young Black and Hispanic men, some of whom had been in the Army, created a plan to infiltrate a KKK meeting in Augusta, Georgia. They planned the invasion for 6 whole months. One of them, who we will call C.J., was the mastermind. The purpose of this invasion was to find out what the KKK was plannning and be prepared in advance.
They were heavily armed under the white gowns and mask and walked into the chambers where the meeting would be held. They sat in the back. They listened in total silence to the plans and strategies that were being discussed. They learned how the KKK intended to hold a key position in every government office, city halls and courts. In that particular meeting, they heard how they were planning to make local the Sheriff one of them.
Eight months later, Martin Luther King was assassinated.
For Brazilians, the USA has always had a much better quality of life. But if you are a Brazilian with earning power, this is not true. Life in Brazil is less stressful (maybe with the exception of Rio and Sao Paulo), people just enjoy life more. And with the growth of its economy, this is proving to be even truer. I have heard Australia has a very good lifestyle, and of course, Europe has always been one of my favorite spots on Earth. I guess the article makes things sound worse than they are, but there are some truths there of course. I am more stressed out than I was in Brazil. And I have less time for leisure (and my commute kills me).
- Being a mother
- Being a woman
- Dating world
- Difference between cultures
- Social Media
- World Events/News