Everybody has heard the sentence: “jealousy has reared its ugly head”. Jealousy is seen as a terrible trait to have, so much so that people try to suppress it. Jealous people are called “insecure”. Others say that it is all about trust. Yes, we want to trust people. We all want to trust our romantic partners especially. Sometimes, though, too much trust and trying to be too “cool” can make you a fool. You will be the classic case of “the wife who was the last to know”.
If something seems out of place, if you begin noticing some strange patterns, if you feel uncomfortable about something, it usually means something. Trust your instincts! Relationships should not make you feel uneasy! They are meant to make you feel comfortable and safe. White lies can hide bigger lies. Some liars lie with a lot of charm. They make you feel crazy. They make you feel bad for even asking questions. They are masters of deceit. Sociopaths are the most charming people socially, but horrible in personal relationships. I am not concluding all cheaters and liars are sociopaths, but people who lie easily and without remorse show sociopathic tendencies.
When you feel something is not right, investigate. Don’t hide your head on the sand. Catching a STD or having your heart broken can seriously affect your health and your life. Some people take years to get over a betrayal. It affects their lives, their jobs, their future relationships. There are some cases of people who died of a broken heart. A break up is not only the loss of someone you loved, but also the loss of hope, of a future you envisioned together, the loss of happiness (even if it’s temporarily).
While not many of us can afford a private investigator, we can ask questions. We can confront the person we are not feeling comfortable with. We can analyze their response. Hostility towards you? Guilty as sin. Trying to make you feel bad and labeling you jealous and insecure? Diversion technique.
We all have different discomfort zones. Some people can tolerate emotional cheating (when our partners confide in others and make them more important than us), others can tolerate physical cheating. In my humble opinion (I’m kidding, no one who has a blog has a humble opinion, ha ha), whatever makes YOU uncomfortable does not have to continue. Don’t go paranoid. Don’t make up things or let your imagination go wild. Rely on facts. Accept reasonable explanations. But don’t feel ashamed of finding things out and protecting yourself. Trust your instincts. Protect your heart.
Something happening in the dating world today: the Sunday Girls and Guys.
I have a musical male friend who has been in one of these “Sunday Man” situations and even wrote a song about it. Basically, it is to date someone who always has “plans” on Thursday-Saturday nights, the evenings when people usually go out, only to be invited to see them on Sundays. Why Sundays? Because Friday and Saturday nights are reserved for “fishing and hunting”. The boyfriend who is flaky and not in love with you, the girlfriend who is looking for the bigger better deal, they all want to be free those nights to get lucky with someone else. On Sundays they wake up alone, and remember you exist. They call you, and you are happy they are giving you some crumbles.
It takes several of these weekends to realize you have become the “Sunday Girl” or “Sunday Man”. You try to be the cool one and give them their space. It is so uncool to show jealousy and suspicion right? After several weekend nights left alone, you start realizing they are totally looking for someone else, and you are the just good enough option for a lonely week night or a quiet Sunday. That also happens when the bigger better deal they are after is not giving them the time of the day.
My advice: love yourself. Tell your “boyfriend”, “girlfriend” or date-the one who can only see you on Sundays that you are only available on Friday and Saturday nights-and watch what happens.
This is from my friend Craig Fine:
1) Take the average amount of tips that are given each week, and pay that wage to your employees.
2) Eliminate tips.
3) See what happens…
I hate having to tip a waiter, it’s always felt wrong to me and a bit unfair too. I mean, basically you have wait staff that begin to get addicted to the (promised) windfall of tips they will get during their shift if and when they get really busy. It’s like an addiction to gambling.
Do away with tips altogether. I would live this…and I would frequent an establishment that did this too. I think the benefits outweigh any possible downside to this genius plan. :-)”
Our country has been going through a period of intense political divisiveness for quite a long time now. The recent years remind me of the late 60’s when you were either a conservative or a long haired hippie. Nowadays Republicans and Democrats may look the same, but their opinions or “wissenschaft” (worldview) could not be further apart. Red States vs. Blue States. Pro-life vs. pro-choice. For marital equality or against gay marriage. Pro-government or anti-government. It seems our political realm is split in half, with little choice for a middle ground.
How does this impact the reality of dating in the new millennium? Well, when it comes to online dating, we readily know if someone votes Republican or Democrat (or is a Libertarian or a Communist) based on information from their profile. It is our choice to contact them or not. Decades ago, the chances of meeting someone with a completely different view were smaller, since people would usually date within their circles. If you were dating in College, chances are your love interest would have similar views with you. If you were dating your parents’ friends’ son, chances are you and him shared a similar viewpoint too.
When it comes to dating someone with a very different view of politics, society and religion, not everyone can pull the James Carville-Mary Matalin card. These very essential issues can become a sore point, and avoiding any talk about politics is quite impossible in today’s information loaded world. Not only you need to exert a lot of self-control and respect for the other person, you cannot gloat or make your point of view the only one acceptable. If you are passionate about politics, this might prove to be mighty difficult.
I don’t need to repeat that the number one criticism Brazilians make of Americans is that everyone here is obese. While the US is probably the fattest country in the world, it doesn’t mean that there is not a portion of Americans who are health conscious, try to eat less and right and frequently exercise.
Other notions Brazilians spread of Americans:
1) American parents let their kids do whatever they want. In this case, we do have overworked parents who do not control their kids or impose rules, but there are many parents who do! Quite a gross generalization.
2) Americans kids leave their homes at the age of 17 and lose their sense of family. First off, not every child goes to school out of town. Many kids stay at home until they get a good paying job now, and even kids who go to College out of town continue living at home during breaks and holidays. Furthermore, the fact a kid spends 4 years of his life in College and never returns to his parents’ home does not mean they love their parents less or lose their “family” values. Most kids keep in regular touch with their parents and visit them often.
3) Americans are cold and only think about money. Another generalization probably stemming from the fact America was founded with puritan values and the Anglo-Saxon work ethic as well as the perception that Anglos, Germanics and Scandinavians have less emotions. Truth is, many Americans are very giving, help others, volunteer, are good friends and are there for you-sometimes more than the “warm Brazilians” who are all talk.
4) Americans only take two showers a week. Hmmm, maybe in Alaska. It really varies from individual to individual, but most people I know take a daily shower.
5) American women are “loose”. This is based on the fact it was in America that the women’s lib, the hippie movement of the late 60’s and the drug and rock n’ roll culture started. Actually, the average urban woman usually waits about 4 dates to have sex with a new potential boyfriend. STD’s and “The Rules” have made women a bit more self-conscious about having one night stands.
6) Americans are blond and blue eyed. Amazingly, some Brazilians still think America is mostly white. They have no idea how diverse the urban areas have become.
7) Americans love war and love to invade other countries. While this can be true of some more radical right wingers, nobody “loves” wars and would prefer not to be in one. Also, many people, especially liberals, are against pre-emptively invading a foreign country.
Many of these myths are based on accounts of people who have visited and lived in the United States, but many do not have the necessary exposure to American culture to understand it deeply. Many Brazilians do not learn good English skills or live surrounded by their Brazilian family or friends. And many myths are similar to the perception other countries have of Americans, many based on Hollywood and TV shows, which have shaped this perception since the advent of the motion picture.
- Being a mother
- Being a woman
- Dating world
- Difference between cultures
- Social Media
- World Events/News