Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

More signs someone is NOT into you

We have all watched the movie or read the book called “He’s just not into you”. It all makes sense, but I think there are other signs that are overlooked when dating a man (or woman) who is simply not into you and who will not be with you in the long run. If people could see these signs early, they would prevent heartache and waste of time when they could be in a healthy relationship with a future. Here are some signs and actions I’ve collected from seeing this situation over and over (happened to me and has happened with others I know):

 

1)     Talks incessantly about the ex-using you as a therapist;

2)      Forgets important dates and doesn’t do anything special for you (passive aggression);

3)      Doesn’t introduce you to his/her family-because he or she has made it clear to them you are not important, so letting you meet them is awkward;

4)      Keeps you away from his or her single friends of the opposite sex-the message is clear here-you will cramp his or her style;

5)      Never posts pictures of you two together on their Facebook wall and avoids any mention of you-similar reason to number 4. The way social media affects relationships is very interesting. A man or woman who feels committed will happily announce to their online community that they are a couple;

6)      Likes to play deaf and busy by not answering your calls or text messages. A person in love drops everything to talk or respond to their partner-unless they are really busy at work-in that case, they respond quickly but they don’t leave their partner hanging.

7)      Lies to you. The number of lies grow in number and intensity over time. They love to lie by omission (not telling you where they were or who they were with).

8)      They take vacations without you. Who on earth does not want to travel with their romantic partner? It’s the best thing in the world. A man or woman who wants to take vacations alone sometimes is in the lookout for an adventure or a better deal. Know the difference. Sometimes they are only pursuing a certain interest they have that their partner does not, or they want to travel with their friends of the same sex/hobby (like a golf vacation for men).

9)      Checks out other women (or men) when out with you. Also compliments them all the time, trying to put you down.

10)   Tries to find fault with you in every little thing. A way to justify their lack of commitment and to justify to themselves why they will eventually leave you.

11)   Badmouths you to his/her friends. Needless to say this is a betrayal of your intimacy and love.

12)   Goes out to dinners and parties with other women/men and leaves you at home. Justifies they are only “friends” when in reality he is trying to seduce and impress other women.

13)   Doesn’t answer phone calls in your presence. That is a no brainer. There IS something to hide.

14)   Uses public restrooms as an excuse to go call or text other women/men when you’re out together

15)   When the chips are down for you (sickness, unemployment, car issues, house issues, money issues), does not offer to help and disappears.

16)   Doesn’t try to spend more time with you. Even if you are available, they establish a date on the weekend and stick to it. There is no spontaneity. They just don’t want to spend more time with you.

17)   They don’t call immediately to ask if you are ok when there is a storm, calamity, when your car breaks down, etc. Sometimes they are unreachable because they just don’t want to be bothered.

18)   If you have kids from another marriage, they don’t try to engage with them, because they know they won’t be around.

19)   They avoid spending any money on you. They don’t take you to dinner (in case of a man) or buy you nice gifts for the same reason they don’t want to invest in a short term person.

20)   When you are very upset and crying, they walk away coldly. They don’t hold you or try to calm you down with love and affection.

21)   They introduce you to other people as “this is my friend…”. Need I say more?

22)   They ask few questions about your childhood and past and their eyes glaze over when you do talk about that. On the other hand, they require your full attention when they talk about their stories.

23)   They are essentially physically cold. Or much colder than you. They rarely if ever initiate physical affection like kissing or hugging. You start noticing that 90% of the time it is you. Why is that? Because they really don’t need physical touch with you, since they are already detached.

24)   The same happens with sexual interest. After an initial sexual interest in you, their interest and attraction starts to wan. They often use “your behavior” as an excuse when the reality is that they are just not into you!

25)   They never make plans with you longer than next week. You have a gnawing feeling that they don’t want to make any future plans, even for the next month, because they want to have a quick escape route.

26)   They never refer to a future with you. Ever.

27)   They take others’ sides against you.

28)   They put their friends and family ahead of you.

29)   They never say “I love you” unless they are in the throes of passionate sex.

30)   They never call you pet names, because that indicates affection.

Caution: many times these things indicate a person with NPD (Narcisistic Personality Disorder) and also a Sociopath. When you start seeing these signs, run. There are many healthy people out there who will respect and cherish having you in their lives.

January 8, 2013 - Posted by | Relationships

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