Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

How do we select our friends?

Pretty much the same way we select our partner, minus the sex. Pay attention to all your friendships. Think about what attracts you to that person to the point you two have an ongoing relationship. What makes you want to call him/her? What makes you want their company? What makes you want to tell them your most personal issues? It’s called compatibility and admiration. We choose people to be friends who have a familiar character trace or who see the world the same we do. The interesting thing is that you can have different friends for different reasons. One can be someone you have a common hobby with, the other can be someone you are intellectually on the same page with, the other can be someone who likes to do the same things than you, the other can be someone who you admire for their intelligence or fame, another can be someone with the same background, culture or race as you.

Interesting to note that many people also choose friends who have similar physical traits with them. Think about the high school cafeteria mentality: the nerd hangs out with the nerds, the pretty girls hang out with the pretty girls, the fat kids with the other fat kids, etc. When I was growing up, I preferred female friends who were more on the tall side, because I hated having to bend over to talk to and be heard by them.

University sororities and fraternities are also arranged in terms of groups divided by looks instead of academic achievement, as unfair and discriminatory as it sounds. Human nature makes us want to be with those who are more similar to us. They are more familiar, they are less threatening.

The United States is an example of a country where the groups don’t interact very well, unless it is professionally. In the realm of personal and social life, black folks hang out with black folks, anglo-saxon Americans with other white Americans, hispanics with hispanics, the rich with other rich, the poor with the poor. With the mixing of America and more access to education, the trend is for racial barriers to end.

Still, we will choose our best buddies based on things that hit home. Things that are familiar to us. Think about every friend you have and find out what you two have in common.



May 17, 2012 - Posted by | Psychology


  1. who said: “we choose our friends not just for who they are but for who we are when we are with them”?

    Comment by Allison | October 18, 2012 | Reply

  2. I don’t agree with this, when people are insecure about themselves then they stick to like people.
    I was a nerd in school made friends with everyone and someone needed help in school I would tutor them.

    Comment by Will | July 14, 2017 | Reply

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