Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

The Friend Zone

Magazines for men call the “Friend Zone” that place women put men they have decided will not be anything more than a friend. They say that once in the friend zone, always in the friend zone.

As a woman, I’d like to give my perspective about the Friend Zone when it comes to dating and relationships. As the name suggests, it happens when we meet someone from the opposite sex who we are not that attracted to but like enough to want to keep them close by. Men may do the same about women, but when it comes to men, it’s very clear whether they are attracted to you or not, no buts or ifs about it.

Evolutionarily speaking, it has always been more advantageous for women to have a man. Men were stronger, more powerful and for centuries controlled all the means of production. There is still a trace of that need for protection from a male in many women, which makes them more scared of being alone (don’t bash me ladies, this is based on observation, and it’s not the rule-there are always exceptions). Therefore, when women meet a guy who has some qualities they like but they are not attracted to, they put them in the friend zone. They ponder that it is best to have that guy within reach in case the main guy in their life disappoints them-or leaves.

How do women do that? They give out tiny hints that one day, who knows, they might date/sleep with the guy. They flirt just enough to keep the guy hopeful. They use the guy as a confidante to keep an emotional bond. Men love women in distress; they feel all too powerful. Meanwhile, the whole time the guy has an expectation that one day his female friend will fall into his arms-or in his bed.

What happens when friendship never turns to romance? Two things: one day Mr. Friend gets so frustrated that he feels used (wrongly used of course, because in her eyes, he was just a friend) and ends the friendship; or he calmly accepts that he will never get out of the friend zone and moves on to greener pastures.
One day Mr. Friend finds a girlfriend, and that girlfriend doesn’t want her guy being friends with you anymore, so you lose a friend who you were not even romantically involved with!
It seems to me that women are capable of having male friends who they never intend to sleep with, whereas men always have some sort of attraction to their female friends. Is that true? How many women out there have a back up male friend they are not in love with but who is someone they would consider dating just in case?

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March 4, 2011 - Posted by | Relationships

3 Comments »

  1. There’s another way that friends zone happens and it’s when a guy is too timid to be honest and upfront to a woman about his attraction for her so he tries to sneak in with the less daring friends approach. In the long run this situation never works out for either one because he’s just wasting his time hoping she’ll see the light, and if she stays she will eventually see the light, but the light she’ll see is that she would rather be with a man who she’s attracted to. I advise all my friends not to do this, and if you really want to have a good friend who is a woman, which is a good idea, find one who you aren’t attracted to, and be genuine friends with her without a hidden agenda. Agendas are fine just don’t make them hidden. Friend zone sucks.

    Comment by Tim Case | March 4, 2011 | Reply

  2. Im gonna tell you this straight up! No men in this world have ATRACTIVE female friends, no single MEN unless he is gay but, if he is straight he is going to try to jump on you on first hand the problem is that he does not know how to approach to you like the previous post said, that is the main reason men keep close to women they (we) want to bang but have no clue how to do it YET! AND If we see there is no opportunity for us on that lawn we cut the friendship and hop onto the next one.

    peace

    Comment by Aje | March 6, 2011 | Reply

  3. I agree 100% with Aje, I actually tried to be “just friends” with a girl I was attracted too, it would tear me up inside when she was with other guys, I slowly ended the friendship by just not keeping in touch. No sane straight man will be “just friends” with a woman he is attracted to. It’s not worth it.

    Comment by Jim | April 10, 2011 | Reply


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