Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

Do American men know how to flirt?

I have heard this complaint from some single Brazilian women I know. They go to bars and parties and spot a man they like. The man looks at them but does not take the initiative. They don’t come over, don’t ask for their number. And if they do meet, these men expect the woman to do the pursuing as well. Many don’t call back, don’t invite the woman out. Hello guys, women like to be pursued. It’s nature.
That brings me to some different values in America and Brazil. Feminism helped many women around the world who had little to no rights. Women now can work, make their own money and never depend on anyone to survive. Women can work in any profession they choose to. It’s hard to imagine that in the 1800’s women were not considered important enough to vote! And to think they were once considered their spouse’s property. Young women born after the 70’s don’t even realize how far women have come in the last 100 years.

Nevertheless, some things remain the same, and they are based on sociobiology. Women are still the only ones who can have children and breastfeed (although men can and should participate in caring for their children), and women are physically weaker than men. When it comes to dating, women still prefer a take charge man. It feels sexier, it feels right. Ask most independent women and they say a man should always pay on a first date. Many women also prefer that the man make more money than they do. It’s an evolutionary trait humans still have where the male protects the female.

Some people think that women’s lib have made men not act protectively towards women anymore. Brazilians are still shocked that women serve (and die in combat) in the American military. I for one am against sending women with small children to combat zones. I am also old fashioned enough to enjoy when a man opens doors for me. I think women want to be independant and equal to men, but also expect some chivalry from them when it comes to romance.

When it comes to flirting, most women I talk to prefer that the man take the initial steps in getting to know them. It must be hard for the shy types, but they need to make an effort. Brazilian women are used to Brazilian men being more aggressive. They know how to flirt. They know how to make the woman feel desired. I have heard that men of Anglo-Saxon, Scandinavian or Germanic descent have more difficulty in this arena, since their cultures don’t emphasize expressing emotions and sexuality. Go to Rome and you will see how Italians aggressively chase women. No wonder the expression “Latin Lover”. I wonder if American men became lazy because women started taking charge of romance. Or are they naturally shier? Or are there already too many women after them? What is your perspective single folks?

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January 5, 2011 - Posted by | Difference between cultures, Relationships

7 Comments »

  1. The women in America many times seemed confused. They want the best of both worlds and I am sorry to tell you, Thats selfish and childish. American women have been ruined by the culture and media especially over 30. After my first marriage, I gave up on finding an American woman that wasn’t bitter over a divorce. I have a sweet, loving, extremely intelligent caring and strong alpha female Ukrainian wife. I had a hot Columbian girlfriend but I saw the effects of the Latin culture of disrespect for women. She seemed insecure that I had another woman on the side when my work, the U.S. Army disapproved my leave request to go to Columbia. I understand why, it is so unfortunate that S. American men collect women having multiple girl friends. The GFs and the BF can’t have any type of real bond since there is not an exclusive relationship. I love the Latin Culture but having been raised with manners and culture from the Charleston, SC to respect women my heart really went out to the women. What a slap in the face. The men’s mothers need to treat them some respect.

    Comment by John | January 6, 2011 | Reply

    • I know that cheating and having lovers (by the men only) was more accepted in South American countries, but John I happen to know MANY nice Brazilian family men who don’t. I can give you a LONG list of men I personally know who don’t have lovers, cheat and all that stereotype. I am sorry your Colombian GF felt insecure with you. Did you her try to feel secure about your feelings towards her? Your Ukrainian wife probably hasn’t been with you enough to show you her faults..because there is no such thing as a perfect woman or man.

      When people bash American women as if they were all demanding feminazis they are making a couple of bad experiences into a gross generalization. I don’t think wanting your husband to be a stand up guy a bad thing. Independant and smart women make good companions. They are not with you for your money and they are not selfless and passive.

      I see more bitter single guys who hate the idea of getting married again because they were “burned” (meaning they were lousy husbands) than bitter women. I see most divorced women wanting to find love again. Even the ones who had bad experiences or were cheated on. How many bitter white overweight middle aged men who rant against marriage do you know? I know several. But again, I am not going to say that all American men are bitter or bad husbands. I also know many nice stable American fathers and husbands. What I want to convey is that it is not the nationality folks (although there are some common characteristics and habits from being from the same culture), but the person’s personality and upbringing that makes him or her a good partner.

      Comment by Brasilmagic | January 6, 2011 | Reply

  2. This was a good read. Nice post.

    Comment by Cheryl | May 23, 2011 | Reply

  3. No, Brasilmagic.

    When a man gets “burned”, he is referring to the injustice of the legal system which rewards women with half of everything a man has owned/worked for, regardless of whether or not the woman is the reason why there is a divorce.

    But again, like a typical fucking woman, you blame the man for everything. This is why men get bitter. No one listens to us. When we voice our opinions, you all retreat to calling us “misogynist”.

    Comment by B | September 3, 2011 | Reply

    • You are completely distorting reality. First, I don’t appreciate using the F word on my blog. Second, you seem to be one of the those bitter men who can’t have a nice mature relationship with a woman because your keep going after the wrong type of women (usually just looking for looks and not character). Let le show you the reality dear: when a couple gets married, they promise to take care of each other, for better or for worse. No judge in this land grants assets accumulated prior to a marriage to the other spouse. Those assets (if there are any) remain individual. Many women also come to a marriage with assets, sometimes an apartment, a car, etc. Also, whatever is accumulated DURING a marriage is MARITAL property. It doesn’t matter who made how much. It’s part of what a marriage is. Women who stay home many times are raising a man’s children and give up on their careers. But the majority of women nowadays works outside and inside the house. Their lives are not easy. So if their is a divorce, they will split in HALF what they built together. This is what marriage is. After a divorce there is child support and if there’s joint custody, it is properly calculated so the children have a decent lifestyle or one parent doesn’t have to pay for everything. The fact is that for middle working class women, their standard of living sharply DROPS after a divorce. I think you’ve been reading too many In Touch or Star magazines where millionaires dispose of their wives to marry a mother newer model, or Maxim magazine that makes women into objects. Men who choose wisely will not be victims of gold diggers. And those who are so bitter that they hate all women, just stay single and middle aged while jerking off to porn in front of a computer. ‘Nuff said.

      Comment by Brasilmagic | September 3, 2011 | Reply

  4. Hi, I love this website, I’ve been reading loads of your entries and I find them so fascinating. I agree with all of this (especially the part about anglo-saxon men etc. not being comfortable with expressing emotions) except for the fact that I don’t like when a guy pays for my things on a date… I have a job, I’m independent, to me it sends a message that I am the weaker sex and need to be taken care of. Just saying that not every woman wants a guy to pay for her stuff. It can sometimes be degrading (i.e. that I must give sexual favours in exchange for whatever he is paying for) even though that might not be his intention.

    Comment by Marisa | August 29, 2012 | Reply

  5. This is a very good read and the differential views between the sides.

    I found out recently experiencing aggressive sexual advances from a male. (I am a man)
    It was ridiculous how women are treated and pressured into something they don’t want to do. I was very nice but I had to let him know I wasn’t gay and nothing in the world would change my mind. He was really disappointed but was not vindictive about it. Was I feeling guilty about it heck no.
    In America men are pushed and taught to not be aggressive in pursuing a woman, “no means no.” We are pushed again and again when A holes are the only ones to approach women. Nice guys that were brought up to respect women have in their mind that being a little progressively hitting on woman might be wrong. We hear that hitting on woman would be seen as objectifying women. So when we approach a woman we like (if brave enough to do so) everything goes wrong. I believe it used to be that when you approach a woman you liked, there was body language that indicated that she liked you. So if you asked her out on a date it didn’t feel like harassment. I have ran different scenarios when talking to women, I have them using body language and touching me.
    Not interested, lol. Some women have the coldest body language and when the conversation is over, give me their phone numbers.

    Comment by Will | July 14, 2017 | Reply


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