Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

The kiss of death in marriage: no French kissing

I have this theory that I would love to do a scientific research about: when couples stop French kissing, and start  giving each other little pecks, their passion is gone. That is the beginning of what can become a relationship of “brother and sister”, which can lead to separate lives and divorce. Other couples just stay together without passion due to a sense of responsability, family and common interests.

Divorce has many causes, we all know. Differences about money, interference of in-laws, different goals, sexual problems, addiction, infidelity, merged family problems and so on. But my guess is that when a couple stops having intimate kisses, kisses where you exchange saliva, the atraction is starting to wane. French kissing while having sex or when hugging or watching TV, for example, is a very intimate and passionate act to share with your lover.

How long do couples French kiss before they stop? They say passion lasts no more than 2 years. I wonder if that is about the time couples stop French kissing.

Let me know what you think. Do you still French kiss your partner?



May 14, 2009 - Posted by | Relationships, Sex


  1. my partner and i pec lol we have been together five years i dont know when it stopped but he doesnt brush his teeth enough i think that is why and sex got to much the same…

    Comment by kayla | July 27, 2009 | Reply

  2. Shit!! That’s so fucking true. My partner and I’ve been together for close to 4 years, and a year and a half ago, the saliva exchange ritual just stopped. And then sex went downhill..And now she’s in some other town, gone to study for the next two years. Should I just move on?

    Comment by Hannoff Piotr | July 31, 2009 | Reply

  3. I think you are right when the kissing stops the passion is leaving. They say to start back kissing after you have stopped couples should start with a 10 second kiss every day and move on from there.

    Comment by jason | August 1, 2009 | Reply

  4. I have the opposite problem. We’ve been dating a month and slept together a few times and have yet to french kiss. She expects me to get turned on by her touch and body and little pecks. I feel like I’m in a 1950’s movie. She is smoking hot so I’ll give it some time, but I think this is her way of avoiding becoming emotionally attached.

    Comment by not kissing | August 11, 2009 | Reply

    • If a women don’t want to kiss her man…check your breath, seriously. Another thing, we don’t want to kiss after oral sex…….go brush, rinse,,, then try and kiss her. it has nothing to do avoiding emotions

      Comment by bmorecareful | May 1, 2014 | Reply

      • I disagree bm. Bad breath and such can happen occasionally, but there are times when a deep kiss should happen and it doesn’t…the passuon just isn’t there. More often, the women want to keep doing it and the men are not more interested-they go straight to intercourse. French kissing is part of the preliminaries. It’s part of foreplay.

        Comment by Brasilmagic | May 1, 2014

      • Ummmmmm….only little girls don’t want to kiss after oral is performed on them! A WOMAN who takes care of herself is turned on by her own taste! Gtfoh!

        Comment by Casperchica | February 8, 2015

  5. oral sex on the first date means you really like each other. If you are going to bed with a woman and no orgasms are happening, run quickly…

    Comment by Samuel Clemens | October 6, 2009 | Reply

  6. I agree kissing and affection should be present in every marriage if possible.

    Comment by Tom Baker | November 24, 2009 | Reply

  7. Sooooo true. Together 9 years. Married 6. Now we even sleep in seperate rooms. We like each other. Just no more passion at all

    Comment by blah | May 18, 2010 | Reply

  8. This is unbelievably true…french kissing is soooo teen…my husband and i have not french kissed for years…when you really think about it…with all the germs that we are aware of now…and unbrushed teeth…its just so gross….there is no doubt in my mind that just because you dont deep throat eachother with your tongues that that means you are not in love…we have the best sex life ever…i prefer to suck on his lip or something like that instead of shoving my tongue down his throat…

    Comment by So True | July 27, 2010 | Reply

  9. My husband and i have been married for fourteen years, he had an affair and said we stopped french kissing. It was rare and i cant remember the number of years we were together where it all stopped. we give pecs but nothing more! very rare was a french kiss. I was lazy to do it but when i started it was ok but chose not to kiss. we are headed for a divorec because he will not leave his mistress. I’m sure they kiss all the time. He even says he loves her.

    Comment by rachel | November 19, 2010 | Reply

    • Omh! So sorry to hear. How are things now?

      Comment by char38 | January 28, 2015 | Reply

  10. I`m 72 and a widower. Married for 42 years and really loved Maxine. Had cancer the last 8 years and we still had intimcy as much as possible. Miss french kissing while having sex Would love to again. Any interested? Please email me. Am in Rockingham area of West Australia. Thanks laybye

    Comment by Bill Wallace | December 14, 2010 | Reply

  11. yeah its true !!! if wife n husband not kissing it means there is no intimacy bet them ……

    Comment by priya | February 2, 2011 | Reply

  12. I love french kissing. Some people don’t enjoy it. I don’t enjoy these people. It is passionate and it is sexual. Some describe French kissing as childish. To each his own. But in America, as you mentioned in another post, it’s all about Puritanism. So I it’s not surprising if many people in the U.S. don’t do it.

    Comment by RamonB | February 13, 2011 | Reply

  13. Sex was meant to feel good because it is the starting of a new life (pro-creation)
    Since humans do not follow instructions from Christ, humans want self satisfaction,you will have rape,incest,teenage pregancy,pornography,abortions,etc.
    The passion is the attraction to have intercourse, to create. Love is what you should grow. Couples think that since we do not have intercourse, we must not be in love. Do you see the child like mentality.

    Comment by Todd Chavey | February 19, 2011 | Reply

  14. I totally agree that intimacy nose dives when kissing stops. I love to french kiss but when I told my partner to always brush very well bcos of the offensive mouth odor, that was the funeral of french kissing in the marriage. We make love now without kissing and to me it feels like I am making love to a whore bcos I know that whores do not kiss.

    Comment by Logbon | September 14, 2011 | Reply

  15. Hello Brasilmagic,

    I have had the pleasure of traveling to Rio for the Carnival celebration for two years, with 2012 being my 3rd time. I have usually spent no less than 10 to 12 days in the city of Copacabana. As I read your blog entries, I wondered if the advice you shared included this city during this time of year. I noticed some things to be true, such as the class and color prejudice, culminating with my being called the “N” word for the first time in over 25 yrs by a “white” man. But the females that I have encountered seemed to fall into one of two categories. Either they were “working girls” at the beach and/or the “balcony” or they were women working at one of the numerous businesses as employees. I found those at the businesses to be very “stand-offish” and disinterested in meeting a foreigner, especially if he did not speak portuguese. The working girls were willing to meet anyone for the right price. I wanted to inquire about some of the do’s and don’ts about approaching business women in the city of Rio. I ask this because I noticed that many of the business women knew the “working girls” and there did not seem to be a stigma attached on how each group chose to earn their respective monies. I was surprized to see the number of older (40+) women that were renting themselves on the beach. Based on the lack of a stigma on the selling of sex as a career choice, I wonder about how brasilianas feel about sex as an activity? Here in California, american women feel that it is the ultimate act that should happen only if the parties are in love or there has been sufficient dates and money spent to merit the “gift” from a female. Is sex viewed in the same way as the american female sees it? Thanks, Sidney

    Comment by Sidney Payne | November 18, 2011 | Reply

    • You had a tiny view into Brazilian society. You went to a tourist trap (probably Copacabana) which is notorious for sex workers. It’s like an American going to the Red Light District in Amsterdam and saying that all Dutch people sell themselves and do drugs. Most Brazilians do not condone prostitution, and I’m not sure what you mean by “business women”. If you want to see normal Brazilian women, you had to at least visit other neighborhoods such as Leblon, Barra, Sao Conrado, Laranjeiras, etc. You are spreading the old stereotype that Brazilian women are “easy” and sex maniacs based on a bunch of prostitutes in a tourist trap!

      Comment by Brasilmagic | December 1, 2011 | Reply

  16. I try to with my husband but he’s a bit more shy about the whole thing. He’s not a passionate kisser and I am so in that sense I’m definitely more aggressive. I usually initiate the kiss during our more intimate moments but kissing is something I still love doing and it is sad that couples stop after after a few years together.

    Comment by annsd | December 16, 2011 | Reply

  17. This is really interesting, You are an overly professional blogger. I have joined your feed and stay up for searching for extra of your magnificent post. Additionally, I’ve shared your site in my social networks

    Comment by brazil women for marriage | January 29, 2012 | Reply

  18. my husband just told he is going to leave me because we dont french kiss. We have been married now for twenty two years.

    Comment by Maria Adams | March 12, 2012 | Reply

    • You better start cuz i wanna leave my wife cuz we don’t no more. The only thing stoping me is that i luv her so much. Do d right thing

      Comment by Rob | May 26, 2012 | Reply

  19. My husband and I don’t ever. French kiss any more I thought maybe it was cuz I had bad breath but it hurts to know the truth . So do that mean he is falling out of love with me

    Comment by Tiffany | January 21, 2013 | Reply

  20. My husband and I don’t ever. French kiss any more I thought maybe it was cuz I had bad breath but it hurts to know the truth . So do that mean he is falling out of love with me I mean I brush everyday and rinse wit mouth wash I even try to tell him he never kisses me but just pecks me it starts a fight so I don’t even talk about it any more

    Comment by Tiffany | January 21, 2013 | Reply

    • That happens with us to. Just to mention foreplay or anything in that nature gets him so upset. Like I stated in my comment, when he wants to have sex, I ask him to get me in the mood. He just says forget it. There is NEVER foreplay. Just remove underware. No kissing, hugging, touching coressing, talking. Just ok and roll back over. The pecks he gives me is like us jus saying hello or see you later type peck. It hurts so much

      Comment by darlena | May 11, 2014 | Reply

  21. This is an interesting theory! My husband and I are together now 3 1/2 years and we still French kiss and sex is still wonderful. However, I am the type of woman who 1) loves sex and 2) realizes it’s importance in maintaining a happy, healthy marriage!

    Comment by Alison | December 19, 2013 | Reply

  22. I made a massive mistake it seems and married a woman who quickly become not bothered about kissing and hugging. I regard kissing and hugging as not just normal but essential to a healthy relationship, and find it excruciatingly frustrating that this is absent. To me it is a sign that the other person couldn’t given a damn….which is not what marriage is about in my book.

    Comment by George | January 8, 2014 | Reply

  23. I am a Brazilian woman living with my wonderful American boyfriend for about 6.5 years. We have a beautiful relationship and, even though a long time has passed we are still very much in love. Yes, we tongue kiss less but we also have discovered new ways to please each. The intimacy and trust we’ve developed along these years allow us to truly enjoy sex. My point is that no unique factor (in this case french kissing) can determine whether or not couples are still in love, or even how good their sex life is. I, for one, did a lot of french kissing in Brazil but orgasms were few and far between 😉

    Comment by Estella | January 25, 2014 | Reply

  24. My wife and I (married 30 years) were in our hot tub last night and were enjoying one of our frequent french kisses. I asked her what percentage of couple in long term relationships still french kiss? We were curious and found this blog. For us it is probably because at 59 I sexually feel 39 ( would like to say 29 but that would be exaggerating). And my wife at 63 looks 43 (and that is not exaggerating). Also, she never says no which allows for a lot of spontaneous moments of affection.

    Comment by Bob | March 19, 2014 | Reply

  25. French kissed my husband for approx 18 years. Both french kissing and sex have stopped going on three years now. It’s like having a roommate but no plan to divorce. He is kind.

    Comment by Samantha | April 22, 2014 | Reply

    • It’s a tough one Samantha, but his kindness is very important and rare nowadays. Maybe you can create a rimantic situation when you are bith relaxed and try to kiss him again?

      Comment by Brasilmagic | May 1, 2014 | Reply

  26. Its problably me. My teeth are kind of messed up. We only peck. Just hello type peck. No passion, no hugging or kissing just remove underware, with my shirt still on, and just screw like highschoolers. Then put underware back on that’s it. No talking either. I’m a passionate woman. And would love to be kissed and hugged, foreplay. There’s nothing but get his rock off. The light is off too. He don’t even look at me. I told him about it several times. He said men don’t want that in a marraige, and that fantasy land stuff off tv. Several times when he says” give me some a**”I said get me in the mood. He said ( forget it ). I’m so dpressed right now as I’m righting this. I fill so un attractive. I’m bogged down right now with hurt. He says he’s attracted to me, he don’t go near my breast, no french kissing, no passionate hugging or foreplay, nothing but the kind of sex you have with a stranger. But that could be more passionate than what me and my husband do

    Comment by darlena | May 11, 2014 | Reply


      Comment by cristi | August 7, 2014 | Reply

    • Your post made me so sad for you. Based on what you wrote, it sounds to me like your husband has some kind of personality disorder or sexual/emotional dysfunction. I promise you, with everything I love, that that is not normal behavior. It doesn’t matter how old, how much you weigh, if you have disabilities, or anything- a healthy, well-adjusted man who loves his wife will want to touch her. Even my husband, who isn’t very patient with foreplay, still likes the idea of it, and he still would prefer I was satisfied. Have you considered that he might have something else going on? Maybe he is only aroused by something a normal wife doesn’t have- some kind of fetish, perhaps. Maybe he hates women (what is his relationship like with his female relatives?) Maybe he has issues with libido or erectile dysfunction and is too ashamed to be nice to you. Is he an alcoholic or drug addict? Anyway, he has bigger problems than you can handle alone. DEFINITLY get a counselor. Look up some blogs on emotional abuse and passive aggression, too.

      Comment by Kadee | August 20, 2014 | Reply

  27. Well the fact of the matter is that we simply get tired of each other. All relationships no matter what, and it’s called satiation. Sex is a primary reinforcer just like food however, who here is capable of eating the same meal for 4+ years and can honestly say that they won’t get tired of it? No one! That’s impossible!!
    Society’s standards set marriages up for failure pure and simple! Meaning no breaks from each other, will equal satiation. It’s also a shame that women really believe that they should be the only ones to satisfy their man sexually as this type of thinking is irrational and delusional. It’s depressing to know that this is how most women think.

    Comment by Truth seeker | June 30, 2014 | Reply

  28. I agree. I never feel like having sex with anyone unless I French kiss them as part of foreplay. My husband has ADHD so is too impatient for more than two seconds of tongue kissing. Now that we’ve been together for six years, I just don’t feel it any more, and he can’t understand why- I don’t want to tell him because I think it would cause more trauma than not. Now I just think of spit and tooth decay, instead of pheromone-induced passion.

    Comment by Kadee | August 20, 2014 | Reply

  29. Having married the most selfish, lying, lazy person on planet Earth, I would have to agree with this. BUT my wife is a very good pretender. So while I desperately love her, I’m ok with her pretending to simply like me. We peck about 98% of the time. Our sex is very routine and she only makes excuses to not do anything new OR she pretends to want to, only to complain about it months later saying she never wanted to in the first place.

    What I would do to have her want me again :siiiiigh:

    Comment by Dave Buster | September 29, 2014 | Reply

  30. My husband won’t even attempt foreplay and what little he does some one must have convinced him he is “great at” but frankly brings me to tears (so bad). I don’t think he likes French kissing and no matter how much I have attempted to teach him to kiss passionately he just isn’t interested. I literally have stopped trying at kissing and in bed as he doesn’t seem to notice the difference anyway. The scary part is we have been together less than a year. I just don’t think he finds me attractive or something like that. There are other things to consider in why he is this way but why marry me if your going to make me feel repulsive.

    Comment by Without Love | November 18, 2014 | Reply

    • “Without love”, a lot of gay men marry women because they are afraid of coming out of the closet. That is something you should consider. Second, you may not be his type. Try to notice what kind of women he checks out (or if he looks at good looking guys). Your situatuon is very sad but not uncommon. It’s a myth it’s always the man who wants sex. I hope he tells you what’s going on. You deserve an explanation.

      Comment by Brasilmagic | November 18, 2014 | Reply

      • There could also be the chance that he is just tired and needs a break. Again sex is like food for men…the same meal over and over gets old. He may not be gay he still may be “into” you, but being with the same person for numerous years….it simply gets tiring and a break from each other may revive the feeling.

        Comment by Sean Taylor | November 18, 2014

      • “Brasilmagic”, thank you for the comment and advice. Yes, I have considered the gay angle very-very seriously. He has made mistakes with pronouns before and there are other reasons. I have also been paying attention to who he checks out and well..actions speak louder than words especially when the two do not match and the words change from moment to moment. I would be more than glad to find that he is just gay and feels family pressure to marry. I can work with that but I can’t work with lies and him running hot / cold.

        Comment by Without Love | November 19, 2014

    • If he in fact is gay, you can at least feel better that his lack of desire has nothing to do with you. Maybe you can even remain close friends while he lives with authenticity as a gay man. It’s a shame he won’t come out of the closet though. Anyhow, he needs to be honest with you or you can contemplate leaving the relationship. Sex is an important part of marriage. Believe me, I know many stories like yours. Women thrive on desire from their men.

      Comment by Brasilmagic | November 19, 2014 | Reply

  31. My husband admitted from the beginning of our relationship that he was never into frnch kiss.. After 10 years relationship I cannot make him change his opinion about french kiss. I was dying to to have a passionate kiss by him. After 10 years being together, i feel so depressed by him, that I am willing now to change holistically my whole life and finally find someone who will kiss me and makes me feel like a woman and not a nice person/ friend/etc.

    Comment by Christina | March 30, 2015 | Reply

  32. My wife of 22 yrs just changed over night , literally , no passionate kisses given or accepted , with or without tongues. Stopped making any effort towards me , yes I did still make the effort.
    Sex life changed at the same time , twice weekly became once and any dress up and any fantasising went at the same time. Tried every approach to find out what was the issue , constantly looking at myself as being at fault. Brush my teeth so often I kill a toothbrush every 4 months etc etc. I have tried at all the times I could including in bed….zip… nothing. I dared to ask “why has everything changed , when did you decide ?”. That was 8 months ago and I got my head bitten off. I am sure she has had a fling in the past but cannot see how that could be the case now as she has no time to fit one in , no pun intended. Gutted.
    If I ever get an answer I will post it back here.

    Comment by Paul | October 4, 2015 | Reply

    • Paul, I’m not a therapist, but there could be 3 possibilities: she’s enfatuated or having an affair with someone else, she has no more desire towards you (can happen with time) or she is feeling bad about herself (weight gain? Depression? Undetected illness? Menopause signs?). It’s wise to investigate each of these possibilities, and I think having a heart to heart with her is the best way to find out. I know how hard it is to live with sexual frustration. Good luck to both of you.

      Comment by Brasilmagic | October 4, 2015 | Reply

    • I feel your pain. Married 22, she quit after year 12. I miss it so much. She does not care. Lips sealed tight for each kiss, even when she climaxing on my fingers. Odd? Very. I may find a woman who loves to French

      Comment by Gary | January 24, 2016 | Reply

  33. My wife decided in August 2006 she no longer wanted to French kiss with me. Her reasons were that she “didn’t like it any more,” that I “love it more” , that it is “more important” to me than to her, that “people change”

    It is true I love to French. And she was the best I had ever kissed. Every few months I mention how I miss it. And that pisses her off. I have tried to slip my tongue in during her cardboard dry kisses with me. No luck. I have pleaded with her, saying “just when we are making love” No luck. I’ve told her how French is a sexual spark for me. No luck.

    My wife, however, loves to give and receive oral sex. That confuses me. Tongues there are okay but tongues playfully kissing are not okay?

    I’m resigned to knowing that age 55 I will
    Never again enjoy French kisses with my wife. That saddens me. She does not care if it does, either. A few years ago, met a former girlfriend at a bar. In parking lot near her car, she surprised me with a playful French kiss. My God, it was so intense! Made me realize what I missed so much at home. And the kiss got me so turned on.

    Reading other posts, I know I am not alone. Comforting and sad. Come on, it’s a big part of an intimate love life. To have that denied gas me thinking I should deny her oral sex or other things that make her happy. Or look up my former GF

    Comment by Gary | January 24, 2016 | Reply

  34. Kisslonging ladies such as myself try this one out: tell your husband/partner that you want to play a game called Three Strikes and here’s how it goes: it takes three strikes to get to intercourse. Yep three. And then he will know that you have to get so heated and wanting it that one of you calls out strike one and then y’all take a break and then get heated again either later that day or the next day until one of you calls out strike two and then by the time the third rolls around y’all should’ve made out a lot by then… Men know what we like but they are also logical by nature and desire the easiest route to literally everything and so unless they deem kissing necessary they are very likely to forget about it so it’s our job to make it necessary again and in this way it happens to where not every kiss and passionate touch leads to sex.. At least not until the three strikes are out 😉 Hope this helps!

    Comment by Amy | March 17, 2016 | Reply

  35. My wife decided 10 years ago – after 12 years of marriage – that she no longer enjoyed French kissing. I miss it. She was the best ever. Today, I asked about it. She got very mad that I asked. When she said she just does not care for it any more she gave no reason. Thus depresses me now and then. French kisses are intimate. I find them a huge turn-on. She decided she’s done. Where is the compromise? I don’t understand. She laughed at me when I said I miss it. That hurt.

    Comment by Steve | April 30, 2016 | Reply

    • One of the saddest thing about human pairings is when the lust is gone. That makes for many divorces and is one of the causes we can fall for someone else (to recapture the lust). It totally has to do with the neurotransmitters in the brain, that no longer act in the presence of that person. Blame it on oxytocin and endorphin. Science is amazing right? That said, it looks like the lust she had for you is gone or a lot less pronounced now. She is ripe for an affair, if the opportunity presents itself. What you can do: accept the fact and be content with lip kissing, or hope that in a very special romantic occasion, and when she’s feeling particularly sexy and maybe relaxed by alcohol, that she feels like kissing you on the mouth. At 12 years of marriage, this was bound to happen. It’s when lust really diminishes. Sometimes for women first.

      Comment by Brasilmagic | May 1, 2016 | Reply

  36. French Kissing is so important, keeps you close, especially during love making. I love when I’m on top of my husband and our mouths are touching with no tongue action. The saliva just pours out of mine or his mouth. It’s really quite true that the type of kiss you have between you and spouse speaks about your realtionship. We’re headed to 20 years of marriage.

    Comment by Melissa fair | January 14, 2017 | Reply

    • Congratulations to both of you! Awesome.

      Comment by Brasilmagic | January 14, 2017 | Reply

  37. My husband and I stopped French kissing. I don’t really know why but maybe he’s not attracted with me anymore. Honestly I’d prefer French kissing rather than sex. But he always go straight whenever we’re making out. He doesn’t French kiss me, he only touches and go straight for sex. It really annoys the hell out of me. It’s making me feel I’m just his sex toy and not his wife. 😭

    Comment by Emily | August 6, 2017 | Reply

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