Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

How important are looks in finding a relationship?

“You need to look good to get a man”. Feminists go nuts when they hear that. Mind you, I am also a feminist in the sense that I believe both sexes are equal and one should not try to have control over the other. But some feminists used to say a man needs to love you for what’s “inside you”.  That notion was popular in the 60’s and 70’s, but then after a whole generation of women stayed single, the 80’s came in full force and brought back pencil skirts and red lipstick. That’s all fine and dandy, but your “great personality” and brains by themselves will not always land you a relationship.

As in most things in life, there has to be a balance. A balance of looks and personality and brains. An overweight woman is not only putting her health at risk, she will also lower her chances of finding  a relationship. She will not be able to be picky.  Why?

Because we cannot ignore biology and the fact that men are visual. Their  first impulse when they look at an available woman is if she pleases their senses. After that first barrier is broken, she needs to show him she is also intelligent, kind and all the other good stuff, or he will simply see her a as possible one night stand.

Looking good has nothing to do with being obsessed with your looks. It has nothing to do with spending loads of money in hair salons, tanning salons, boutiques and skin treatments. It requires some basic grooming: combing your hair, seeing what style and color suits you the best, taking care of your skin and your teeth, wearing some make up to enhance your good features and keeping your nails and toes clean or polished.

When it comes to weight, obesity is never good. Obesity is synonimous to ignorance. Someone who is not exercising or is eating too much. Very rarely is obesity incurable. 

When it comes to clothes, a woman does not need to look like a million bucks all the time. She also should not dress slutty. She should strive to look feminine though.  Clothes that are not too tight nor too loose, colors that enhance your complexion, styles that enhance your best features such as your bosom or your legs (don’t show too muc skin!) and some jewelry to make you look like  a….woman.

In the past, if a woman was born ugly, she was condemned to be ugly for the rest of her life or she would join a convent. Nowadays, the most ugly duckling can look ravishing. Plastic surgery to correct enormous noses, breast implants to add volume to completely flat women, make up tricks and foundations and false eyelashes, hair coloring and hair extensions, color contacts, fake nails..and the list goes on.  But none of this works if a woman is grossly overweight.

Too skinny is also not good. Men always say they like women with some curves. Why do you think Joy Behar looks good for 66? Because she is not too skinny. Her just right plumpiness makes her face look younger. Some Hollywood celebrities starve to look like waifs, but oftentimes they lose their beauty in that process.

I once knew a woman lawyer who was approaching 40 and had never been married or had children. She was starting to panic.  She was pretty and was not overweight.  I remember I wish I could have told her why she wasn’t lucky in love, but I did not have the courage.  All she needed to do was change her style. She wore long skirts with shapeless lawyer suits. She wore her hair in a short conservative hairstyle and absolutely no make up.

I  wanted to take her shopping and give her a makeover…but…she was my boss. I haven’t see her for many years, but the last I heard was that she had given up on finding a man and had had IVF from a donor, becoming a single mother….I wish I had given her a bit of my “Brazilian” fashion sense 🙂

For every pot there is a lid. This is one of my favorite sayings in Portuguese. There is someone for everyone, but to enhance your chances of finding love, you have to love yourself first.



March 27, 2009 - Posted by | Being a woman, Fashion, Relationships


  1. I am a skinny girl and want to know how to boost up a bit and get the curves.

    Comment by Flow | March 9, 2010 | Reply

  2. I am healthy but i have little tummy tucks.. want to get rid of it.

    Comment by Deepali | August 3, 2010 | Reply

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