Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

When your daughter gets married, you win a son


…and when your son gets married, you lose a son. And so the saying goes. There is a certain wisdom and common sense in that sentence. Put it this way: when a man gets married, his allegiance will be first to his wife. If that is not so, the marriage will have an enormous amount of conflict.

Remember the advice Jack Nicholson gave the taxi driver in “The Departed”? Wise man.

The above not only applies to your son, but also to your brother, your father if he remarries and your best male friend. A man’s wife (or steady girlfriend) will want to be the first and foremost woman in his eyes/life. If her husband or boyfriend puts his mother or sister first, or keeps secrets from her with his mother and sister, daughter or close female friend, the main relationship will crumble.

I suspect men do not have that possesiveness. They don’t need that exclusivity. They are happy to share their wives or girlfriends with her best friends and family members and let them gossip away…..but won’t they feel second best if their wives or GF’s have a very close male friend, or keeps secrets with her brother? Of course they do feel bothered, but they complain less about it. I polled some male friends who said they do want to be the most important person in their wives’ and GF’s lives, and they would feel bad if she put Daddy or bro first. So there you go!


February 3, 2009 - Posted by | Relationships


  1. I think it goes both ways, you don’t gain a son when your daughter marries – you lose a daughter. Her first alliegence should be to her husband, not to her father or mother. She’s to as they say – “stand by her man”. The two are to become one flesh – so if anything – the mother and father of the son would gain a daughter (although the son’s first allegence should be to the wife and vice-versa).

    Comment by tsoldier1 | June 8, 2012 | Reply

  2. I can see it both ways. But I have 2 sons who are now both married. They DO spend more time with their wives families than they do with me. One is understandable…one son is in the Army stationed in Washington DC. But when he served 3 tours in Iraq/Afghanistan his wife went to stay with her mother (understandable). When he was home and only lived a few hours away and would come home occasionally, they always stayed with her mom, one hour away. It just so happens that my family has a lakehouse close to her mom’s house and one year my son came home on leave from Afghanistan for his daughter’s 3rd birthday. I took my vacation for 1 of the 2 weeks he was here and stayed at the lakehouse so it would be easier on them to come visit me. The did see me all bu one day of that week…even spent the night one night. Later I received a very hateful letter from my son’s mother-in-law about being mean to the kids for making them see me! I never once told them they HAD to come see me. I just let them know I was staying at the lakehouse so they did not have to pack up to drive an hour just to spend a couple of hours with me and my other son and then drive back an hour. They would have done that every day because my son and I had been close at one time. The other mother-in-law was just feeling jealous that her daughter was being taken away from her yet it was MY son who had just returned from Afghanistan. And now my other son has gotten married recently and his wife is a doosie! I have bad back and knees. My yard is not that big but it takes too much out of me to try and mow it…and I do try . My daughter-in-law says I am too needy because I ask my son to come mow my yard every other week. I ask to go out to eat with them about once a month (she rarely comes because she is tire from working all day…I have a harder job than she does and I am 30 years older). But yet, they go to the dinner and/or movies with her parents at least two times a week,,,yes week! She is an only child from a wealthy family. I stop by now and then to bring him mail that still comes to my house. She came home once while I was still there and threw a fit. Her argument was that he was married to her now and that she was the woman in his life and I need to let him go! Someone reading this may be thinking I must not be a very nice person. I really am. This second son and I had a VERY close relationship up until he met this girl…Don’t get me wrong, I was never happier for him to find his true love. He is such a kind-hearted good looking young man and all I have ever wanted for my sons was for them to find good women to love them and have happy married lives. I know the first son is married to the woman God put on this Earth just for him. I knew that the moment I met her…and he had lots of girlfriends before that. The second son’s wife, I am not so sure about. I do not believe he will ever live up to her standard of what she has been use to…He was going to buy her a new $500.00 iPhone last year for her birthday…Oh my gosh, she threw a hissy fit and told him, “Oh no you don’t. You better buy me something more romantic than a damn phone…I will buy my own new phone!” (she had washed hers with the laundry) So, he calls me later and ask me to go to my jewelry store and use his debit card to buy her some jewelry…and to buy myself something. She would have another hissy fit if she ever finds out I bought those earrings and necklace! LOL!! Anyways, I went rambling on…But the mom’s of sons DO lose them when they get married and the wife’s family gets them. BTW…He mows her parents yard EVERY week…using MY lawnmower!

    Comment by Carol Oberste | June 28, 2012 | Reply

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