Brasilmagic\’s Weblog

Venting to the World

Getting married for the right reasons

Many marriages fail because people were not getting married for the right reasons and somehow realize later that the person they married is too different from them and has different goals in life. Marrying someone for their beauty, for their money or for fear of being alone of course backfires. I came to realize through life experience that opposites may attract at first but get divorced later. Having common interests, levels of energy, goals and tastes makes life easier. Couples who are too different and who have separate lives tend to grow apart, and are more vunerable to infidelity. I am not advocating marrying your twin, or being glued 24/7, but there has to be common ground for a couple to stick together through life’s ups and downs. if he wants to spend his whole evening playing fanstasy football while ignoring his wife, there will be resentment on her part. If she chooses being with her girlfriends more than being with him, there will be resentment. If he chooses to have a hobby that excludes his wife, there will be resentment. If he is outdoorsy and she is a couch potato, they will drift apart, if she is very social and he only wants to stay home, they will drift apart, if she likes to travel and he doesn’t, there will be conflicts, if he eats healthy and she doesn’t, there can be some conflict about where and what to eat/cook, if he is a bookworm and she is an airhead, they will have little to talk about, if she likes art and he only wants to watch sports, that may generate conflicts, if she only wants to watch dramas and he only likes action movies, they will end up watching movies separately and the list goes on and on…. These differences will always exist in every relationship. Women and men are different, our brain structure and chemistry are different, but there is a degree where too many differences, added to selfishness and lack of compromise, can ruin any relationship. So my advice to those younger than me who are contemplating marriage is: see how compatible you two are. Do you want a marriage where you do not do anything together? When the romance and lust end (the famous honeymoon period), will there be common interets to hold you two together?

August 12, 2008 - Posted by | Relationships

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