When it comes to cold feet, it is normal and natural that men take a bit more time to start thinking of marriage. There is also the phenomena of cold feet before a wedding, when the proximity of the big commitment they are going to take can scare men and women alike, as if marriage was a death sentence.
So if you start dating a man and after one or two years he has not talked about the future, it is ok for you to start the conversation. And it is ok to tell him what you want and expect him to follow through after a reasonable amount of time.
The problems starts when after indicating what you want, the man ignores your needs, avoids the topic each time you bring it up and lets a lot of time go by, years sometimes, driving up the wall in frustration.
That is what every woman who comes to this site needs to watch out. The attitude of ignoring what you want and putting the head in the sand hoping that you and your foolish need for more security will go away indicates a bigger problem: he does not respect you.
If he does not respect you and your needs, think if something in the relationship made him lose respect for you or if there is some part of your personality that he is afraid of. There are many reasons why a man won’t commit, it is a rather long list (a sense of waiting for a bigger better deal and loss of perceived freedom as the most common), but despite the reason behind it, the fact that he is trying to keep you while ingoring your needs indicate selfishness and LACK OF RESPECT towards you.
I doubt there is a study made on marriages where the man was a big commitment phobe and only got married because the woman left or threatened to leave. I suspect these husbands are not the best of husbands and I am actually curious to find out more about these marriages. I suspect that intital lack of respect can translate to lack of respect during marriage and all the problems that it causes. Are there any married women on this site that married a die hard CP? Let us know your experience.
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