It was the summer of 1967. Fifteen young Black and Hispanic men, some of whom had been in the Army, created a plan to infiltrate a KKK meeting in Augusta, Georgia. They planned the invasion for 6 whole months. One of them, who we will call C.J., was the mastermind. The purpose of this invasion was to find out what the KKK was plannning and be prepared in advance.

They were heavily armed under the white gowns and mask and walked into the chambers where the meeting would be held. They sat in the back. They listened in total silence to the plans and strategies that were being discussed. They learned how the KKK intended to hold a key position in every government office, city halls and courts. In that particular meeting, they heard how they were planning to make local the Sheriff one of them.

Eight months later, Martin Luther King was assassinated.

Generations of people all around the world grew up with and were marveled by Silent era movies, the glamorous 40’s with its beautiful women (Rita Hayworth, Joan Crawford and later Marilyn Monroe)), the idyllic 50’s and classic movies such as “Giant” with Elizabeth Taylor and James Dean, as well as “West Side Story”. Musicals made Americans seem happy-go-lucky people who could sing and dance at the drop of a hat.

The 60’s came and brought revolutionary ideas through social movements, such as the hippie movement, the “love & peace” era and war protests, that extended through the 70s. The 80’s made American TV ever more present in every household across the globe with series such as “Starsky & Hutch”, “Dynasty” and “Dallas”. American was the place where anything could happen. American was the place of big cars, big houses and tree lined safe neighborhoods.

Meanwhile, big box office Hollywood hits such as “Jaws”, “Saturday Night Fever” and “Star Wars” have awed teenagers everywhere with its popularity, special effects or great music. Hollywood still produces big hits, and American TV is still watched in many countries, but exactly what kind of American culture are we exporting now? TV is dominated by reality shows (we have exported the IDEA of the shows to other countries, but not the shows themselves) and Hollywood has produced too many duds recently. What do we export that can be envied by millions of people in other countries? Snooki and “The Situation”? Please. Maybe along with this economy in its never ending recession, the American dream is also in a slump?

While in the throes of love and lust, the fact that couples often turn a blind eye to some red flags or postpone good judgment is common knowledge. Whether it is the hormone oxytocin or putting their mate on a pedestal, it’s easy to overlook some factors that can become minor or major sources of distress and tension in a marriage. Many of these issues come from the profession a person has. So even if you are head over heels in love with your partner but they have one of the professions below, see if you are really prepared for the rough ride. Forget how much you love him or her. Just ask yourself: “over the years, how would I feel if my partner…”.

1) Think before you marry a…..politician. Based on recent stories, if your male partner is in politics, be aware that some women are attracted to power and might pursue your partner with no regard for his relationship status. Not only that, your partner will constantly be invited to social situations and sometimes you will not be a part of that. He will also be on the road when campaigning, and he/she might require that you accompany him or her as well. If you have your own career, going on road trips and shaking hands might not be possible.

2) Think before you marry a…..pilot. You will spend many nights alone, and other important dates of you and your children’s lives without your partner. Pilots who work for UPS and FedEx have long periods at home, but they also have long periods making deliveries all around the globe. Truck drivers are also included in this category.

3) Think before you marry a……actor. The entertainment business is fraught with temptations. Actors sometimes film in distant locations and stay in hotels or trailers, surrounded by other actors. Too many love stories have originated in movie sets. Notwithstanding the love scenes and bond that happens while filming, actors also have huge egos fed by fans and constant praise.

4) Think before you marry….. a fashion photographer. Photographers often work with beautiful models and famous people. Some of them photograph nude models. Stories of affairs between the person behind the lens and in front of the lens abound. Can you deal with that well?

5) Think before you marry…..a war correspondent. The fact your husband or wife may not come back and is in constant danger is not very comforting.

6) Think before you marry a……doctor or a lawyer. According to general gossip, doctors and nurses and lawyer and secretary are common set ups for extra-marital affairs.

7) Think before you marry…..a retired person. Do you really want your partner to be home all day doing nothing?

8) Think before you marry a…..military person. This one is obvious. Your partner may be sent overseas for long periods. Your partner may also be in danger when there is a military conflict.

9) Think before you marry a…..night shift nurse. Or anyone who works the night shift. Do you think you can handle a partner whose schedule is opposite than yours?

10) Think before you marry a…..porn actor or stripper. No explanation necessary.

11) Think before you marry a…..police officer. Bad hours and some danger involved as well.

12) Think before you marry a…..race car driver. Your partner will be gone most weekends or more, and if you hold a job you might not be able to accompany him. And if you do, be prepared for smell of tires, smoke and a lot of noise. Ah, and you will never see him before a race, when he is “preparing” his car.

13) Think before you marry an…..archaeologist. He or she will spend long periods in some far away excavation site.

14) Think before you marry a…..small business owner. Unless you and your partner work together in the family business (think Mom & Pop shop, Chinese restaurants, etc) you are set for a life of loneliness & no vacations. Small business owners have very little downtime, usually work odd hours & weekends and can rarely get away for a one week vacation-imagine a 2-week to a month one. Additionally, they are usually overworked & stressed out.

What’s left? An accountant? That seems pretty safe, right? Can you think of other careers, hobbies or activities that can cause problems in a romantic relationship?

Parents should always be careful with whom they leave their children. Many parents, especially those with low incomes, have little alternative than to leave their kids with relatives, sometimes male relatives. These relatives are publicly “nice” people who would never be seen as child molesters, but who are sometimes able of such a horrible act. Even though I don’t want to vilify the male sex only, (there are many women who also molest children) there are many more cases of male caregivers who do it. Fathers, stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, neighbors, friends of the family, clergy. There are too many stories in the world to ignore this terrible violation. I have personally heard from many people who have been molested as children by people who their parents trusted, if not by their own father. The more we expose this, the more we talk about it and the more we alert our children about it and make them feel safe to tell us, the less chances these monsters will get away with it.

1) Do you want children, and how many?
2) Do you want to raise the children with religion (and which one) or without?
3) Do you want to merge finances or not?
4) How do you want to invest the family money? Do you believe in savings?
5) What kind of home do you prefer, an isolated house in the ‘burbs, an apartment in the city, a townhome, close to work or something in the countryside?
6) How much housework do you want to do? Do you have favorite tasks? Are we going to pay for an hourly cleaning person?
7) What is your idea of vacation, lying by the beach sipping cocktails or visiting new cities, museums, monuments, historical sites or shopping? How many vacations do you intend to take and how long? Do you want to visit other countries or do you prefer vacations nearby?
8) What kind of interaction and with what frequency are we going to have with the extended family? Do your parents/siblings/cousins come for long visits? How are we going to divide the holidays between the two families (or even different sets of parents in case of divorced parents)?
9) In terms of sex, what is a good frequency for you? What is off limits in terms of sex? Is pornography ok for you?
10) How do you like to spend the evenings and weekends? How many hobbies do you wish to have?
11) How important for you is it to have time with your friends alone? How often do you think you need to see them?
12) Would you move to a new city/state/country if there was a better opportunity? Would you give up your job to follow me? What areas/cities/regions you would absolutely refuse to live at?
13) Do you ever intend to change your work schedule to include working at night or weekends?
14) What kind of food do you want to eat? Healthy, unhealthy, fast food, vegetarian? Do you like to cook? Do you want to cook every day? How often should we eat out?
15) Do you intend to send a lot of money in clothes, shoes and cosmetics? Do you buy cheaper stuff or do you have to buy high quality items?
16) Do you consider ever having plastic surgery and what kind?
17) How often do you want to exercise? What kind of sports and physical activities do you want to do?
18) How many hours do you wish to watch TV every day? How much sports/reality TV, movies, and news do you watch?
19) How do you see yourself spending your evenings? Watching TV, reading, in the computer, in bars, with friends, working, at the gym, taking night classes, studying, etc?
20) Are there places or activities you would not be comfortable with me going to?
21) Would it be ok if I went on vacations without you?
22) Who’s going to be responsible for paying the house bills?
23) Are we going to share family cars or each has their own car? How are we going to pay for them?
24) How much are we going to pay for our kids’ college?
25) Do you like to have more or less contact when apart (emails, phone calls)?
26) Are you tidy or messy with your personal things? Are you a hoarder? Is your closet and drawers organized?
27) How about personal hygiene, do you take a shower every day? Do you brush your teeth daily?
28) How often do you want to go out for dinner, dancing, parties, etc?
29) When and where do you plan to retire?
30) Are you going to let your hair grow grey or are you going to dye it when you get older?
31) What would you do if you gained weight over the years?
32) Are you going to breastfeed our children or use the bottle?
33) Are you going to take time off from work when the children are little? For how long? Are we going to hire a nanny or use childcare? Who is going to take care of them when they are sick?
34) Are we going to talk about our personal problems with other family members or close friends? Are we going to have therapy in case our marriage is not going well?
35) How do you like to celebrate the holidays? Are holidays, birthdays and anniversaries important to you?

Life used to be a progressive route to financial stability. You went to school, you found your first job, you bought your first house, you saved money for the future, and you got better paid jobs or career promotions in every phase of your professional life. In your 20’s you went to College and took your first professional steps, in your 30’s and 40’s you worked hard and raised your children, in your 50’s you started reaping the benefits of those decades of hard work. And in your late 60’s, you could retire comfortably enough and your home was paid for. Sometimes you even had a vacation home as well. That was the American dream.

For those who are middle aged now, this dream came to a sudden halt. The house you thought you would have a lot of equity in and that perhaps would even be paid for in your 60’s, is now lost to the bank. The job you had for years or decades is suddenly gone. Finding another job that pays the same is almost impossible. Few people want to hire you because of your age. The small to medium sized business you worked so hard to build is struggling, and bankruptcy looms ahead. Your parents are too old and fragile to help you financially, and your children still need your help with College and other necessities. Banks don’t want to loan you money. Health insurance costs get higher with age. There’s no one to help.
In the good times, a couple would downsize only when they became too old to take care of a bigger home or when they retired to Florida. Now, couples in their 40’s and 50’s are being forced to downsize, not because they want to, but because they no longer can afford their mortgages. What used to be the family home, a comfortable house where you’re grown children could come and bring their spouses and grandchildren, is becoming a small apartment or townhome in a lesser neighborhood. Your pension plans are compromised, your 401k may be used to survive when one or both partners lose their jobs. Small businesses are closing everywhere. Jobs lost in the private sector, manufacturing, and finance world.

The younger generations are having a hard time to make their entry in the job market, but they are young enough to be able to wait for recovery. Middle aged folks however, have little neither time nor job opportunities that can lead them to a more stable life. Unless the United States comes up with innovative technologies that can generate more jobs, this generation will be the new one called the “Lost Generation”.

Below are some strong, smart and beautiful atheist women. There are others out there, but I am listing these first:

1. Susan Jacoby: Susan is member of the advisory board of the Secular Coalition for America, a national lobbying organization representing the interests of secular Americans and is program director of the New York branch of the Center for Inquiry. She is currently a panelist for “On Faith,” a Washington Post-Newsweek blog on religion. She is the author of ten books, such as “The Age of American Unreason” and “Freethinkers: A History of American Secularism” and a frequent contributor to national magazines and newspapers, and the recipient of numerous awards.

2. Margaret Downey: Margaret founded the Freethought Society of Greater Philadelphia (FSGP) and the Anti-Discrimination Support Network (ADSN) in 1993. In 1994 Margaret founded the Thomas Paine Memorial Committee.She is active in issues such as maintaining the Jeffersonian wall of church/state separation, freedom from religious intrusion, freedom of choice, and death with dignity. ADSN is concerned with discrimination against the Atheist community. ADSN monitors public office positions and public schools. In December of 1991 Margaret filed a discrimination case against the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) through the Human Relations Commission of Pennsylvania. After nearly eight years she lost her case against BSA. In the U.S. Supreme court case James Dale v. Boy Scouts of America, BSA declared itself “private” to avoid the question of open membership thus ending her appeal and many other court cases against BSA’s discriminatory membership policy. ADSN efforts are responsible for convincing movie producer Steven Spielberg to disassociate himself from BSA. In the year 2002, Margaret became the first Secular Humanist Celebrant in Pennsylvania. Taking advantage of Pennsylvania’s “Self-Uniting” marriage licenses; Margaret performs godless weddings and funeral ceremonies.

3. Ellen Johnson: Ellen is an activist for atheist rights and the separation of church and state in the United States. She was president of American Atheists from 1995–2008. 2005 she appeared on an ABC special, “Heaven – Where Is It? How Do We Get There?”, for which she was interviewed by Barbara Walters. She appeared on Larry King Live in April 2005, Good Morning America in December 2005, MSNBC’s Scarborough Country on December 14, 2004, and appeared on Fox News three times in November and December 2003, and MSNBC’s Phil Donahue.

4. Julia Sweeney: Julia is an actress and comedian who worked in productions such as the big screen in Pulp Fiction, Clockstoppers, Whatever It Takes, and Stuart Little. She was also partr of the SNL cast from 1990-1994. Sweeney has created and performed three autobiographical monologues, God Said Ha!, In the Family Way, and Letting Go of God.

5. Annie Laurie Gaylor: Co-founder and Co-president (along with Dan Barker) of the Freedom from Religion Foundation (http://www.ffrf.org). Executive editor of Freethought Today and author of “Woe to the Women: the Bible tells Me So”, “Betrayal of Trust: Clergy Abuse of Children”, & “Women Without Superstition: No Gods – No Masters”

6. Melody Hensley: Melody is the Executive Director for Center for Inquiry DC. The Center for Inquiry is a non-profit 501(c)(3) organization that promotes defends reason, science, and freedom of inquiry in all areas of human endeavor.

7. Lori Lipman Brown: Lori has served as a state senator, lobbyist, lawyer, educator, and social worker supporter. She served as the founding director of the Secular Coalition for America from 2005 to 2009. In this position, she was the first Congressional lobbyist explicitly representing nontheistic Americans. During her directorship, the organization grew from a coalition of 5 national organizations with one staff, to a coalition of 10 national organizations with six staff.

8. Shelley Mountjoy: Shelley Mountjoy is a graduate student at George Mason University (GMU) in Fairfax, Virginia where she is President of the Secular Student Alliance (GMU) and Vice President of the Graduate and Student Professional Association. Off campus, Shelley serves as a leader of several local groups and has organized over 300 educational, activist, community service, and social events. In July of 2009, Shelley co-founded District of Columbia Atheists, Inc. (DCA); she is currently President. DCA is organized as a representative democracy and is the first and only formal organization for atheists in the Nation’s Capital. She’s currently writing a book with Christopher Arntzen (former head of GAYLAH) called “godless DC” which will be released in late 2010. Shelley is also a member of the Board of Directors for the Secular Student Alliance.

9. Lorena Rios: Lorena is the president of Aelis Realty Group, LLC, a green company specializing in Earth Friendly homes and sustainable real estate. She is also an member of the Capital Beltway Atheists, a large group of atheists in the Virginia, Maryland and DC area.

10. Andrea Griffith: Andrea, The Social I.Q. Lady™, is an expert in Social Intelligence. She uses that expertise to help atheists combat the everyday problems associated with superstition, religion, and ignorance. Know exactly what to say and do when someone says, “God bless you” after you sneeze or wants to pray before a meal. Learn how to counter the arguments of the religious right using facts and logic at http://blog.socialiqlady.com.

11. EllenBeth Wachs: EllenBeth is President of the Humanists of Florida Association as well as Vice President and Legal Affairs Coordinator for the Atheists of Florida, Inc. She is an outspoken activist demanding equal rights for atheists and absolute separation of church and state. She has taken on her local City Commission, School Board and a fundamental Christian Sheriff over constitutional violations and has paid for it with her freedom. The sheriff initiated investigations and trumped up charges to silence this vocal activist. She is also an outspoken advocate for the secular sobriety movement and founded a local chapter of SOS, Secular Organizations for Sobriety, a rational alternative to the 12 step faith-based model.

1) The Federal Government is largely located in the DC/MD/VA triangle. The DC Beltway has the second worse traffic in the country (after LA). Having civil and military personnel working from home one or two days a week may increase traffic by 25% during rush hours;
2) Less cars on the road, less pollution in the air;
3) Less office space required in the government (people can even share offices in different days);
4) Less personal expenses when you work from home;
5) Better quality of life.

With 99% of work done in computers nowadays, it makes sense that if you have a work laptop at home you can do basically the same you do in the office. With video-conferencing capabilities having improved greatly in the last 5 years, you can also attend “meetings” while seeing presentations. When it comes to the downside of working from home we can cite:

1) Lack of productivity. Counter argument: supervisors now look more for results than micromanaging what every employee is doing every minute of his day. If there work is done well and on time, the fact the person is working from home will not make a difference.
2) Lack of social interaction. That can be resolved by making teleworking not daily, and by promoting events and meetings where people can interact.
3) Privacy at home: people with small children or pets have to find a space at home where they can work undisturbed.
4) 24/7 work. Some people feel that if they have work blackberries or smart phones they will be forever accountable and plugged in. What is needed is self control that you will not check work messages or respond to them in your off hours.

Besides telework, and maybe because of the mobility it offers, the future may hold a different work life for most of us. I think people will not have only one job, one occupation, where they will dedicate 100% of their day. People will be more inclined to work in temporary or seasonal assignments, mix activism and special interests with paid work, still be productive while “on vacation”, and have different professions at the same time. One can work as an accountant, write a book, do volunteer work and dedicate oneself to a special hobby-all because their time will not be imprisoned in an office or cubicle all day long.

Brazil is still a matriarchal society, and fathers have less involvement in their children’s lives. It’s uncommon to see fathers playing ball with their sons, or taking their children to the playground. Young kids may be with the nanny, with the mother and sometimes with the couple. Unfortunately, Brazilian men still think their role is to work only outside the home.

Now, when it comes to homework, Brazilian parents are not very hands on, while American parents think they should be involved on a daily basis. In Brazil, very few parents help their children do their homework. It is the child’s responsibility. Obviously parents may help when the child does not understand something, but they don’t monitor it the way American parents do.

When it comes to homework, I can offer my personal experience: I never had to worry about my children’s homework , and I may have helped them (explaining something they didn’t understand) only a couple of times each. They were both excellent studies through elementary, middle, high school and College. In my perspective, it’s the kids’ responsibility to do their homework. If the homework is not done, they need to feel the consequences. When they grow up, no one will tell them they have to go to work every morning or pay their bills, so it’s part of the learning curve of life.

Not every parent can sit back and relax like I did though. Some children do need help in understanding a task, and many children do need to be coaxed into remembering and completing their homework. Now, no matter how unmotivated or behind your child is, NEVER do the homework for them. You are not allowing them to think, you are taking away their responsibility and you are actually cramping their learning experience. Don’t be a helicopter parent!

After many years of marriage, common interests, common goals, a shared worldview, hobbies and routine are the glues that holds couples together. The other glues are a sense of family, having children and grandchildren together, having a extended family, social and religious obligations.

But life offers no guarantees. Even if you choose someone who has a lot in common with you to marry, this person or yourself can change. Some changes are external, like chronic disease or suddenly making a lot of money; and some changes are internal (one of my friend’s ex-wife wanted to “find herself”, “Eat Pray & Love” style). However, you increase your chances of staying together if you are compatible.
Here are some questions about this subject:

Do you think all couples in the beginning of a relationship are compatible (or pretend to be in order to seduce their partner) and then change as life goes on?

Is it worth leaving a long relationship where there is compatibility just because you are not in love anymore (usually when someone tells their spouse they are not in love with them anymore it really means they are not sexually attracted to them anymore)?