Difference between cultures-USA and Brazil

 Me and my multicultural friends. I have friends from all over. We all came to America legally. All educated professionals. All worldly and cultured and fun. I also have American born friends, but for some reasons I do not have deep relationships with the typical American redneck. My American born friends either lived abroad or are of Mediterreanean/European/Latin extract, so they have a broader worldview.

Starting this blog today…..love to write…wrote my first book at the age of 12 with a friend from school.

 I am going to start saying I am a Brazilian living in the USA for 10 years now. I also lived here for 4 years as a child and 1 year as a teenager, so add 5 years to 10 and make it 15. But I did live most of my life in Brazil. I have a bit of both. I believe I have the best of both cultures.

I come from an upper class intetectual (parents both have PhD’s) background. My grandfather was also a well known physician in Brazil. My mother’s family were big landowners and I believe they even owned slaves. My mother grew up in privilege in French based boarding schools. The ethnic background is Portuguese. My father’s family were more recent immigrants to Brazil, more working class, part of the wave of Northern Italian immigrants in the late 1800’s and early 1900’s.

Growing up I had the opportunity to come to the US at the age of 4 and live in a different culture and learn a second language.  I always had access to newspapers and books and later also travelled to many other countries.

Therefore, I have compiled a list of things that I like about life in the US and a list of things I don’t. Some are quite petty, or even funny. Some are residue of the old Anglo culture,  and some are the nature of the beast (being a free market society).

Here it goes:

Things about the U.S. that irk me:

1) I will begin with the bathroom stalls. Why are they open on top and bottom? Why is there a big gap between the door and the standstill? Why can I see my neighbors’ feet and hear their most intimate noises? I don’t want to hear my co-workers’ gas problems!  People can peek inside my stall through the gap and see me. Is this on purpose so people will not have sex or do drugs in public bathrooms? I feel relieved (double entendre) when I find a “normal” bathroom in some rare restaurants.   Nowhere in the civilized world I see such bathrooms as in the US. Ok, I know there are places in the world where there are NO bathrooms (bushes and holes in the grounds, ha ha).

2) The whole engagement proposal and diamond ring thing. Are we still in the 1800’s? Why do women have to wait patiently for a man to decide to propose to her? I see women wasting their best years for a man to propose only to have them leave them for the BBD (bigger better deal)! Why can’t both decide to get married after a couple of years of dating and announce their wedding date or their engagement to everyone? It makes women seem so out of control of their destiny and men have too much power.  I have seen complaints about commitment phobic men all the time, and I have to say: leave them or propose to them if you want marriage!

3) I decided to talk about the diamond ring in a separate paragraph. This baffles me. The whole industry, dominated by De Beers, wants women to think they deserve a big rock and that their BF’s love is in direct proportion to the amount of money they spend.  Young men starting their lives feel obligated to go through the whole rigmarole of an “unforgettable” proposal-how embarrassing that must be- and to spend thousands of dollars in a ring-instead of in a downpayment for their house, for example.  I think this old diamond tradition needs to be seriously revisited. Diamonds are not as rare as they make them to be, and nowadays there are many man-made/lab-made stones that are just as beautiful and durable and ten times or more cheaper. One of them is moissanite: so beautiful that no one, not even jewelers, see the difference!! Cubic zirconia can be beautiful too. Other precious stones can make gorgeous rings, such as sapphires, rubies and emeralds. Semi precious stones in gold settings (nothing like 18K gold in terms of beauty) can also make beautiful engagement rings: Citrine, aquamarines, peridots, amethysts, etc.

And one more thing: the fact that the woman wears the engagement ring during the engament period and the man wears nothing in the US seems kind of sexist. In Brazil, there is none of the diamond ring custom. First, it is too expensive for the average Brazilian; second, it is not part of the Latin tradition. What we do over there is that the future groom buys two wedding bands, usually 18k gold (we don’t even consider 14k to be gold in Brazil). So before the wedding BOTH wear the bands on their right hands, and after the wedding they move it to the left hands (always the same band for both woman and man). Seems logical and simple. I will make a separate post about this.

 4) The frump nation thing. I read this term somewhere and I liked it. See my newer post about it. Having travelled to many countries and seen many styles, excepting really poor countries in Asia and Africa, I have never seen such a bad looking population as in the US. Frump Nation at its best. Many American women, especially the anglo ones, dress like a man. There is very little femininity. Short hair, glasses, no make up, no jewelry, baggy clothes, flat shoes. Very confortable indeed, very feminist, but very…..unnatractive. I often  see couples across America where the woman looks a lot worse than the man-I often wonder if he feels attracted to his wife… I am sure he may love and respect her, and all that is sine qua non, but a woman’s feminity is nothing to be embarrased of or to hide.  It is also a sign of healthy self esteem to take care of your appearance, without paranoias and too many nips and tucks.

 5) This one is a given: the fattest country on Earth. I remember in 1997 I went to Disneyworld after 5 years without coming to the US: I was shocked at how many obese people I saw on those parks. Whole families of elephants. I know how unkind it sounds but the truth is that this can be avoided by exercise and self control and a little more education on what is healthy and what is not. Ever seen the food offered in these parks? Sugar and fat, sugar and fat. It is obvious for many that the very same large and widespread roads we have in America and that are subject of admiration by foreigners have made us very car dependant and unable to walk.  Add in the aggressive advertising by food companies-our children are bombarded on TV by ads of candy and other sugar laden treats.  The government does a bad job in educating kids and adults about nutrition. Elementary, middle and High Schools offer very unhealthy snacks and sugary sodas as the only eating options. Kids have to be at school so early that they don’t take lunch with them. They also do not have microwaves at school like office workers do to heat up their food. And of course, no one walks, because of the urban sprawl. See how only people who live in large downtown areas like Manhattan are slim. Go to small towns and see the gravity of the excess weight in this country. I see pretty faced 20 something year old women throwing away their lives and their chances for romance underneath enormous amounts of flesh. And it is socially acceptable because everyone around them are also fat!  When I feel my clothes tight I know I need to revamp my daily exercise and cut down on food. These people don’t get the message. It is a social disease in this country. Anoxerics in Hollywood, obese in Alabama.

6) The workaholic mentality. Short vacations. Fathers who do not see their kids. Couples who lead separate lives. A lot of divorce. No additional comments necessary.

7) The ME mentality. My “space”. My time. Married or otherwise committed men going to bars with other males to “Boy’s night out”.  Hey, you are a boy until 21, after that you are a man! Same for “girls’ night out”. They go to meat markets and put themselves in a position to flirt with the opposite sex. Men going to strip clubs and wanting their women to think it is “normal and socially acceptable” for them to be there. 

The health insurance business. Health insurance is extremely expensive and the quality of care is mediocre (I call them the “5 minute doctors”).

9) The constant scamming of the public. Credit card scams, insurance scams, long distance phone companies scams, false advertising. There is too little control of this stuff, and innocent, naive, the elderly, the very busy and foreigners are usually victims. It seems everywhere you look they are out to get your money. No honey, she is not being nice because she likes you, she wants a fat tip!!

10) The religious right. All those religious nuts and bible thumpers with their stupidity and ignorance. No more comments necessary.

11) The traffic ticketing scam. Everyone knows it is not for safety. Speed limits are artificially low. It is all for filling city and county coffers and to profit the car insurance business. Why they increase our car insurance premiums because of a speeding ticket is beyond me. That should be in case of accident!

12) The smugness of police officers. Not as bad as in some dictatorial countries obviously, but many police officers have a bullying attitude. They are there to help the public but sometimes they treat minor offenses like going 65 in a 55 road as the person is a major criminal.

13) The racial division. The separation between blacks, who have developed their own culture, language and lifestyle, and anglos, hispanics of Native American descent, Indians from India, Asians, etc. Right, this is a democracy and I believe this country has been successful in guaranteeing everyone access to everything and to keep discrimination at large, but we all know that Shamika does not date or socialize with John Henry Stanford the III.

Now, for those ignorant ones who will respond to this with: “If you don’t like it here, go back to your country”, I have to say I chose to live here for various reasons, which you can see below, but that doesn’t mean that the US is perfect, hell no! There is no nirvana. There is no paradise on earth. Every country/region has its pluses and minuses.

Things about the US that I admire:

1) The cleanliness of the streets. You can also see that in Western Europe.

2) The well organized urbanization. The well thought of organization of streets and highways. The infrastructure.  The beautiful landscaping everywhere. The maintenance of buildings and streets. Open spaces, wide roads, smooth and well maintained. With few exceptions, the US is a country where you can see that our tax money is well spent.

3) The free school system.  Well maintained and well equiped schools, mostly. Some with good teachers. A variety of subjects, sports and activities.

4) The multiculturalism. The fact that everyone has access to the same stuff theoretically speaking. Black, white, green or purple, we are all equal. The class system is less pernicious that in other societies (excepting Western Europe’s democracies).

5) The affordability of food and clothing to the majority of citizens.

6) Safety. One of the few parts of the world (except for Western Europe again) where you can leave the door of your house open, your car open, not have alarms in your house, fences, bars, the works. An issue that encourages me to consider moving to the U.S. (I had my home and my business burglarized in Brazil, even though it could happen here as well in a not-so-great neighborhood).

7) The fact that the minimum salary is not very low, unemployment is low, government corruption is low, and most people have a similar opportunity to succeed.

7) Overall quality of life, which encompasses several of the things above.

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